“Well, I called you first. How do you like that?”
“How’s it going? How is it going?” I’ll tell you
how it is going. It’s not going. At all! That’s how
“No, no, no, I’m not angry, Petra. I’m seething.
I’m freaking out of my mind. I’m fucking very
angry, you betcha!”
“Your project? This project is dead. DEAD!
Unless of course you would like to go right
back to the beginning, like none of this ever
happened. Didn’t you scout this thing? Didn't
you vet this place at all. What the fuck are
you people thinking. What are you doing.
“What happened? What happened? I’ll tell you,
I’ll tell you what fucking happened. I go looking
for the idiot sheriff or minister or whatever you
call it, and there he is in his pulpit preaching his
stupid head off in an empty church while getting
his jimmy waxed by his idiot psycho church lady
tranny boy friend.”
“Are you fucking kidding me! What the fuck?
You told me pure and unsullied. Like the driven
snow. You sent me to Gomorrah Petra. You can't
“No Petra, the town is not shocked, they don’t
seem to give a shit. Not phased at all, and the
crew thinks me, you, me and your board of geniuses
over there are over-funded industry elite shit-fa-brains
snobs, and they’re fucking right. You or I have no idea
what other cast of deviates are lurking in this
“Do you, Petra? Do you? Do you think you know what,
what, whatever lurks in the hearts of men because you
have a corner fucking office? Fuck you. Fuck reality
television. Fuck your network and fuck this town.”
“We’re outta here in the morning. I’m going back to L.A.
Sports interview shows and driver’s ed films seems a
paradise now, Petra.”
“Well, you tell your precious board whatever you like
Petra. Why don’t you tell them wild animals trashed
the remote studio trailer, because guess what, they did.
Totally trashed. 36 feet of hot garbage on wheels.”
“Not a chance. Every wire chewed to hell, the boards
are saturated with piss and shit, and we lost half the
cameras and audio gear which was in the trailer. And
the stink in there could gag a maggot. You want to
fix that, go’head. Good luck with that. You can pick up
your studio right here in Ardensville because the tow
and the driver left in the night.
No one is saying why. Good bye.”