Wha Chu Gonna Do
“Good morning Celia dear” Sheila declared smiling broadly and
brightly as a distraction to her pushing a box of mini donuts under
the ledge of her reception desk.
“How was the vacation? You look so, so, nice. Are you
pregnant? You can tell me.” Giggle.
“Good morning to you Sheila. No, I don’t think so. Wouldn’t I
need a ma’an in my life for something like that?”
“Please send my daughter in Sheila thank you” intoned the all
“Bye now” said Celia entering the den.
Sheila smiled tah-tah and unsmiled just as quickly. She grabbed
a donut. “Hot gossip, the kids a dike, I knew it!” Giggle.
“For once Sheila is right. I would never have thought delivering
mail and chewing grass would agree with you so….”
“Contented mother. Real content. Real folks, real air and a night
sky full of stars. You might try it sometime.”
“You know dear, the instructions that came with these Jimmy
Choos specifically said, “No cow pucky” so you can take my seat
on the next wagon train. Now get or should I say. git yerself a cup
of coffee and let’s begin.”
Celia went to the breakfast cart with the shiny samovar and
poured herself a cup of coffee into an uncomfortable coffee cup
and saucer. The first sip was pretty bad and it wasn't going to get
Petra had taken up her position on one of the couches either
side of a low glass table. She came to this position with a small
collection of pre-arranged and labeled manila envelopes and, her
coffee mug which was big and comfortable with a handle big
enough for four fingers, same coffee though.
Petra having claimed one couch meant Celia would face her
from the other. Reclining as if tossed on one end of Celia’s couch
was a magnificent leather garment, a coat of superior leather, high
design and, well just an incredible garment. Celia looked once and
resolved to ignore it.
“So you didn’t quite live up to your daily report quota. What
happened, did you fall off the mail wagon?”
Celia re adjusted her sitting position, looked for the seat belts
and readied for battle.
“Delivering mail is a real job Mother. Once I was acclimated, I
was working real hours, hard hours and coming home exhausted.
I did a lot of that work on the plane.” Celia patted her shoulder
bag which she had put on the floor so as not to offend the coat.
“Mailman is a tough gig Mother. You should try it sometime.”
“Again darling, just don’t have the right shoes, dang it all. Now,
here’s what it is Celia, we had a meeting and then we had 6
meetings and we considered your reports and everything else and
this is what We have decided. We just want to ‘go for it’ before
anybody else gets the same idea. Thank you for the evaluations
but, dang it all!”
Celia wrote in her now dismissed evaluations everything she
thought would dissuade her mother from moving ahead on this
damnable project. Now it would be a fist fight.
“You know Mother, I don’t think this town is the toothless
redneck, cud-chewing incestuous revival meeting you think it is.
I’ve detailed it in my reports and you might save yourself a lot of
trouble if you looked them ov…”
“No no no, it’s in motion even as we speak. We have crews
already headed to ‘ground zero’ from Chicago and L.A.. They’ll
be there in a few days barring twisters, injuns or just getting lost.
Here is a part I love. Do you know who our man on the inside is,
out there, in Ardensville?, hmm? I mean besides you. Want to
Celia shrugged truly not knowing the answer.
“An idiot sheriff named Morrow!”
“ Morrow dropped a dime on the town?” Celia jumped up like
she was snake bit. Petra was slightly taken aback though
conditioned to her daughter’s outbursts.
“You know him? Good. Next time you see him, please ask for
me, if his parents got divorced, would they still be cousins? It was
two phone conversations with that cowpoke what convinced us,
Ardensville was ground zero.” Self satisfied, Petra got up to
retrieve a bowl of cut strawberries from the breakfast cart.
“Did you know Dear, your sheriff Morrow entertains dreams of
being Governor? With the right Christian appeal Dear, I dare say
he’s a boot in.” Petra considered and rejected a strawberry she
deemed imperfect. “Heads will roll. They were warned.”
“Darling, why don't you try that coat on, hmmmm?” asked Petra
having found an acceptable berry.
“Is this your coat Mother? Quite a coat.”
“No Dear, yours'. Try it on.”
Celia rose from the couch and took up the coat. It was a
remarkable piece of work. She put it on. Wow. She walked to the
full length her mother always had in any office and explored this
coat of coats. It was magnificent.
“Great pockets Dear. How do you like the pockets?” asked Petra
with a measure of guile.
She reached into the perfectly located pockets and her hand was
met with a jingle. She explored some more. Keys, there were keys
and she brought them out from the deep satisfying pocket.
“Look Mother, someone forgot their keys.”
“They're your keys Darling. Your new home on Central Park
North. It's still a little bit rough now but in 2 years you will think
you were on Park and 77. Got it for a song and in a few years it
will be worth an opera.”
If 'swoon' is the word then Celia nearly did swoon in the now
apparent presence of all the capital, conspiracy and bad behavior
coming into play for this massive project. A condo plus this coat
were insignificant to what Petra had in mind for the American
vidiots and Celia.
“I don't know what to say Mother” Celia whispered terrified as
if in a leaky lifeboat surrounded by shark fins.
“How about something like....,thank you Mother. I'm so excited,
so happy. When can I move in and get out of that tenement in the
flight path called Queens?. You could say something like that
Dear”. Petra found yet another acceptable strawberry.
Startled to composure again by her Mother's self satisfied
elitism, Celia breathed through her nostrils and pursed lips.
Slowly, she took the coat off. She smelled the fine leather and
admired the stitching. She returned it to its place on the couch and
seemed to reflect.
“Thank You Mother. I'm so excited, so happy. When can I move
in and get out of that tenement in the flight path called Queens?”
There would be a few days of strategy meetings with some
execs. Top secret. Hush hush. Celia was punctual and attentive.
It would be a guerrilla war